


Its not only me anymore

by Jace_Stump20



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Anxiety, Cutting, Depression, Eating Disorders, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-06-08 12:59:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6855721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jace_Stump20/pseuds/Jace_Stump20
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pete Wentz never thought leaving home would make things worse. He thought it would somehow fix things. But when it doesn't, he has to deal with the backlash. He never realized it could be both the best and the worst thing to happen to his family, or how much the definition of that word would change for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Its been three years-now what?

**Author's Note:**

> so the time line is really wonky for the story. Like i imagine 2016 FOB, and Panic! as just Brendon, but also MCR are still around...also, I apologize for any OOC-ness in the characters, especially Peter Wentz II. 
> 
> also shout out to my co-betas @alwaysfob and @trohmosapian on tumblr for their help in both making sure the story comes out clearly and encouraging me to write. that being said, I hope to update this story more often than my other ones. Also, first time writing Joe with an OC, so be kind, I've never really written a Joe-centric ish story before. And sorry if Patrick and Andy don't get as much attention. I still love them. Also, key note: THIS STORY IS BASED OFF OF A ROLEPLAY I'M DOING WITH MY FRIEND, THAT IS STILL ONGOING. so if you guys catch things my beta's didn't notice, please let me know, i lost all our old texts so this is going off memory. Anyway, please enjoy!

Nathaniel Austin Thomas Wentz lacked self confidence all his life. Maybe it had to do with the fact that he was an unplanned child, born ten years after his brother, Pete, and so his parents didn't know what to do. Maybe it was his mom falling ill and dying when he was 5, and their dad blaming him. Maybe it was just growing up not knowing fatherly love. Pete looked out for him, and was always willing to hang out, help him with homework or go to school events, but Pete wasn’t Dad. And when Pete left when Nate was 15, to go start a band, things just got worse. 

Eventually, after a huge fight, Dad kicked Nate out, throwing away everything he owned, destroying his phone so he couldn’t call Pete to come help him. Left with nothing, Nate struggled. He applied for a low end job and got it, working his ass off for three years, all the while living on the streets. He didn’t use his money for food, since he worked at a fast food place he just ate the rejects, and he saved in any other way he could. He would spend a lot of time in libraries, looking up information about Pete, finding out about his brother’s band, and checking their tour schedules, hoping against hope they would come home. Eventually he couldn’t wait any longer, and when he found that the band was playing in Cincinnati, he gathered the few things he had into a backpack and hitchhiked to the concert. 

The place was crowded, thank god. Nate was a little surprised his brother was so famous, but the crowd meant he could blend in better as he made his way towards the stage, hoping to sneak backstage, find Pete, and explain what happened. Maybe Pete could make Dad take him in again, although he wasn’t sure that was what he wanted. However, that plan was foiled when he actually made it backstage, only to be stopped by security asking what he was doing back there. “Meet and Greet isn’t for another hour kid. You’re too early.” 

“I’m not here for that. I need to see Pete! Please, its important.” 

“Sure it is kid. That’s what they all say. Can I see your tickets and pass please?” 

“I don’t have any. I really need to see Pete! I’m his brother, I can prove it. I have ID.” Nate said, going to get out his wallet, to show the guard his high school ID card that had his name on it. 

“Kid, that’s a lovely story, and I’d love to see your fake ID, but I don’t have time for this. Move along,” The guard said, starting to get annoyed. 

“Marcus? What’s going on out here?” 

Nate felt his knees go weak. That was his brother’s voice. Sure enough, Pete walked out of the dressing room, wearing black skinny jeans, a black t-shirt and a leather jacket. He hadn’t changed much in three years, and Nate knew him on sight. 

“Sorry to disturb you, but this kid here’s claiming to be your brother…says he needs to see you. I told him to move along, but he’s not listening.” 

“Nor should he have to.” Pete was shocked to see his brother standing before him, and without thinking demanded, “Nate, what the hell are you doing here?” 

“I-I….” Nate shook his head. “I’ll tell you when we’re alone. I’m sorry Pete…I hate to randomly show up but I couldn’t call…Please, hear me out?” 

“Marcus, how much time do we have?” 

“Meet and Greet is in an hour and then the show.” 

“Thank you. Nate, come inside my dressing room and we’ll talk, okay?” 

Nate nodded and walked over to his brother, slightly intimidated by him now. Pete had never yelled or been harsh with Nate before, when they were growing up. “You’ve changed.” He said quietly once Pete had closed the door. His shoulders were shaking and he realized he was holding back sobs. 

He felt Pete pull him into a hug. “I’m sorry I snapped. You surprised me is all. Now what’s going on?” 

Between sobs Nate told Pete everything, ending with “I don’t know what to do…I can’t keep living on the streets, but I’ve tried talking to dad, thinking that he’s cooled down and will take me back but he’s not listening…if you talk to him, maybe he will.” 

Pete looked long and hard at his brother. It had been three years since he had seen him and he hated that. Nate was thin, covered in dirt, his clothes were old, ripped, and clearly too small. “Nate, I don’t want you staying with Dad anymore. That bastard doesn’t deserve you. You’ll stay with me from now on okay? It’ll be hard with the tour, but I have a house in LA when its over. I’ll keep you safe,” he said. 

“You really don’t mind me staying with you?” Nate asked, a bit of hope in his voice. 

“I really don’t. I’ll introduce you to the others, and then have Marcus take you to the tour bus. You can shower, wear some of my clothes, my bunk is in the way back, and hang out on the bus until we get back,” Pete said firmly, “Are you ready to start your new life?” 

Nate nodded and hugged Pete close. “Let’s go!” He said happily. 

Putting an arm around his brother’s shoulders, Pete led Nate into the greenroom where Andy, Joe, and Patrick were. “Hey guys…so this is kind of unexpected… but you know my little brother Nate, the one I’m always talking about? This is him. He showed up to see me, and long story short, he’s going to be living with me. So that means he’ll be joining us on the rest of the tour.” 

“Pete what happened? Is he okay?” Patrick asked. 

“How old is he again?” Joe asked, “I mean…will he be okay being on a bus for hours?” 

Nate whimpered and pressed closer to Pete, shaking. 

“Its okay bro.” Pete assured him softly. “Guys, you need to calm down. He’s got anxiety, and you’re making it worse. H-He got kicked out of our house three years ago, not long after I left. He managed to save money and hitchhike here to see me. I don’t want him to go back to that life, so he’s staying with me. He’s 18, Joe. I’m sure he’ll be fine with being on the bus.” Pete said. “Speaking of that, I’m going to have Marcus take him to the bus so he’ll be safe while we perform. Can you guys stay with him while I get Marcus?” 

“Of course,” Andy said, smiling, “Go ahead Pete.” 

“Stay with these guys okay?” Pete told Nate before he walked out, leaving Nate alone with the other three. 

Nate looked around at the other men, shaking a little. He was scared of being alone, but after a few incidents on the streets, he was really scared of strange men. Even if his brother knew them. 

Patrick could tell Nate was uneasy, so he got up and walked over. “Its nice to meet you Nate. Pete wouldn’t stop talking about you. He’s really proud of you.” 

Nate smiled softly, hugging Patrick. “Thank you,” he said, relaxing finally. 

Joe and Andy walked over as well. “You’re alright now kid. We’ll all look after you,” Joe said. 

“Yeah, don’t worry about anything,” Andy said. 

Nate pulled away from Patrick when Pete came back in with the guard from earlier, Marcus. “Alright, let Marcus take you to the bus. We’ll see you after the show,” Pete said and hugged him again. 

Nate followed the guard, staying as close as he could hearing the fans in the distance. After a short walk they arrived at the bus. Marcus opened it for Nate, and once he was inside he closed the door, leaving Nate alone. 

Left alone, Nate looked around the bus, taking everything in. It was small, but cozy, and he felt at home and relaxed. He headed to the bunks in the back, finding Pete’s and getting sweatpants, but deciding not to wear a shirt as it rubbed against his back, which was injured. Then he found the bathroom and took a long hot shower, washing up and just letting the hot water flow over him, relaxing him and making him sleepy. After a while he turned it off, pulled on the sweatpants, and then walking back to the living room area, curling up on the couch and dozing. 

After several hours the four guys came on to the bus, talking about how well the concert went. Patrick was first in the door, and he turned around, telling the others to be quiet. “Nate’s passed out on the couch, I don't think he’s gotten good sleep in a while.” 

Pete walked around Patrick, looking at his brother. “Holy shit…I-I didn’t know how badly injured he was…and god he’s so thin…I’ve failed him,” he said quietly. 

“No you haven’t,” Andy assured. “He’s here now and we’ll all look after him. He’s going to be okay.” 

“Y-yeah…” Pete sighed and covered Nate with a blanket. “I swear, Dad’s gonna pay,” he said angrily, walking off into the bunk area. The other three followed and soon everyone was asleep as the bus started driving to the next stop.


	2. Its not love...unless he feels the same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate DOES NOT have a crush on Joe. And Joe may or may not like him back

After about two weeks on the road, Nate had settled in well. He easily talked and joked around with everyone, his wounds were healing, and he was eating. But he wasn’t eating much, and he stayed really thin. The bus had pulled into a small diner so they could grab something to eat before they performed. Tonight they also had an interview before the show. Pete glanced at Nate as they all sat in the booth, eating. 

“Hey bro, would you be okay with me telling the fans that you’re living with me? I won’t go into why, but since you’re going to be hanging around I feel like people should know.” 

“Yeah sure,” he mumbled, staring at the burger he’d ordered, but not eating it. 

Andy exchanged a look with the others and then back at Nate. 

“Hey Nate, you wanna play a few rounds of Halo after this?” He asked. “Joe can play too, make it an easier victory.” 

Nate laughed and relaxed as Joe looked offended and hit Andy’s arm. “What do you mean by that Hurley? I play better than you!” 

With the guys providing distractions, Nate didn’t even notice he had eaten until he was done. Everyone else had finished as well, so they paid and went back to the bus. Andy hooked up the Xbox and handed Nate and Joe controllers, setting up the game and taking a controller for himself. “Ready guys?” 

“Ready!” Nate cheered. 

“Bring it on,” Joe smirked. 

They played for a long time, eventually convincing Pete to join in so they could have teams. Nate wound up on Joe’s team and couldn’t help but be charmed by the man. Joe was funny, caring, laid back, and over all a good guy. Having never dealt with crushes before, Nate didn’t know what to do, and he felt shy about asking his brother or the other two for help, since Joe was their friend. Besides, he knew Joe was out of his league so he just pretended that the crush didn’t exist. 

The interview went great, Nate was introduced to the fans and brought on camera. His anxiety started to act up, but he felt who he thought was Pete place a comforting hand on his back and he relaxed, not knowing it was actually Joe. Concert time rolled around, and Nate was allowed to wait at the side stage to watch them perform. He had a great time, but his eyes hardly left Joe, even if he wasn’t aware of it. During the before and after show Meet and Greets, Nate hung back, not liking large crowds. Finally, they were all back on the bus. Nate flopped onto the couch, sighing. “How the hell do you guys do this all the time?” He asked tiredly. 

“Lots of caffeine,” Joe teased, ruffling Nate’s hair. “Don’t worry kid, we’ll make a road tripper out of you soon enough.”

Patrick went to shower, and the others went off to change and relax, but no one was really tired. Nate decided to see if he could cook something, figuring everyone must be hungry. He found some veggie burgers and vegan cheese in the fridge, along with some noodles in the cupboard and set about making a casserole type thing. Soon the bus was full of a delicious smell, and everyone came out to investigate. 

“Nate? What are you doing?” Andy asked. 

“I thought you guys might be hungry so I made something. Its a casserole with ground up veggie burgers, shredded vegan cheese and noodles, along with a few spices for extra flavor.” 

“That sounds good. I want some!” Joe called. 

“Me too!” Patrick added.

“You know I like your cooking bro.” 

With a smile Nate served everyone, and without prompting took a small plate for himself. All the guys dug in and complements rained down. 

“Damn Nate, this is amazing.” 

“You’re a wonderful cook.” 

Nate blushed and finished his plate, heading back to the kitchen to clean up, but Joe stopped him. “Nah man, you cooked. I’ll clean up, you get some sleep. You look dead on your feet.” 

“Thanks Joe,” Nate said through a yawn and made his way to the couch, lying down and falling asleep in seconds. 

Joe cleaned up, not able to help himself from glancing at Nate occasionally. He really liked the kid, he was honest, genuine, and overall a great guy. But he didn’t want to admit his feelings went a little beyond friendship, after all given what Nate had been though he probably wasn’t ready for a relationship, and besides, Pete would kill him if he admitted to wanting to date his little brother. Still though, when he was done cleaning up he couldn’t help but look over at Nate again. The kid was sleeping deeply, although he was shivering a little, it was cold on the bus. Grabbing a spare blanket, Joe tucked it around Nate, and against his better judgment, kissed his forehead. Nate sighed happily and pulled the blanket tightly around him, and Joe felt his heart melt a little. Damn this boy was so cute. With a small shake of his head, Joe walked to his bunk and fell asleep. 

Three days later and the guys were getting ready for another show. Nate and Joe had been hanging out more, and were getting closer, playing video games and just messing around in general. Joe was teaching Nate how to play the guitar, insisting everybody should know how to play at least a few songs. Joe also helped Nate build his confidence, so at one of their shows when it was time for the Meet and Greet. Nate decided to stay, wanting to try to overcome his fear of crowds, and knowing everyone would keep him safe. He stood between and a little behind Joe and Pete, watching the fans come through. One or two smiled and said hi to him, but most ignored him. The line got shorter and one boy who came through looked at Joe and Nate and smiled. “You two are a very cute couple,” he said, before moving on. Blushing furiously Nate mumbled, “thanks but we’re not…” Unable to bring himself to look at Joe he turned and fled backstage, embarrassed beyond belief.   
Joe felt himself blushing too, and when the line finished he turned around to apologize to Nate, only to find the kid gone. They had 15 minutes before the show started. 

“He ran backstage,” Andy told him quietly. “You two like each other, go do something.” 

Nodding his thanks, Joe rushed off to find Nate. When he got backstage he saw him sitting among the instruments. “Nate? You okay?” 

“Oh, hey, Joe. Sorry for running off…I just got really embarrassed. You’re way out of my league and besides that there’s the whole I’ve never dated thing…you would want someone with experience.” 

Joe couldn’t stop himself, he crossed to Nate and kissed him deeply. “Shut up,” he muttered against his lips. “You’re out of my league if anything, and I would be honored to be your first boyfriend. So…will you–“ 

“Trohman, where are you? We’re about to go on!” Pete yelled. 

“Dammit,” Joe said, pulling away and blushing. “I-I’ll see you later Nate.” 

“Joe wait! Yes.” 

“Yes what?” 

“Yes I’ll go out with you.” 

Joe blushed and waved a hand in acknowledgment, running to make it onstage in time. As usual Nate watched from the side stage, unable to stop smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well hope you enjoyed chapter 2. hopefully I'll update again soon


	3. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete gets worried about Nate and Joe

After the concert ended, Joe came back over to Nate, sweaty and tired, but happy. He hugged the boy close, smiling. “You really meant what you said earlier? You’ll go out with me?” 

“Y-Yeah…I mean if you still want me.” Nate stammered, scared Joe had had second thoughts during the concert. 

“Of course I still want to date you. You’re handsome. Any guy would be lucky to have you.” Joe said firmly, kissing Nate again just as Pete walked by. 

“Hold up there Trohman! That’s my baby brother you’re kissing.” 

“Pete, we’re dating. Its okay.” Nate said, causing Pete to raise an eyebrow. “When did this happen?” 

“Just before we went onstage.” Joe confessed. “I really like him Pete, i swear.” 

“Pete I like him too.” Nate said. 

“Hold up you guys! I never said I had a problem with it. Hell, I think you two will be gross and adorable and all that shit. Just watch yourself Joe. Break his heart, I break your face. And you guitar.” Pete threatened before walking off. 

Nate rolled his eyes. “I swear he hasn’t changed at all. Come on, let’s get back to the bus. You stink.” He teased, pulling Joe along. 

“I smell like determination and a fun time.” Joe protested. 

“Well I want you to smell like soap and water.” Retorted Nate, sticking out his tongue. Together the two made it back to the tour bus to find, as usual, Patrick had claimed the shower first. With a small chuckle at how predictable this new life was becoming to him, Nate spread the blanket on the couch, which since the first night had become his bed. He pulled on his PJ pants, opting to shower the next day. He was still self-conscious about his weight, and his scars, and jumped a little when Joe pulled him into a hug from behind. 

“Joe! You startled me!” 

“Sorry.” He seemed sincere so Nate forgave him, tilting his head back and standing on his tiptoes to kiss Joe. 

“Its okay.” 

“You’re handsome okay? No matter what.” Joe said, tracing the scars along Nate’s back, ribs, chest and stomach. “I know you don’t believe me now, but one day. I’m going to give you all my love, and maybe you’ll start to see yourself the way everyone else sees you.” 

Nate blushed, unsure what to say he snuggled into Joe. “Thanks?” 

Joe laughed and kissed his head. “The shower’s free, so I’m going to jump in. Get some sleep.” 

The night passed and once again Nate awoke in the early hours of the morning, drenched in a cold sweat and shaking. Unable to get himself back to sleep, he turned the TV on, but kept it at mute so as not to wake the others. 

Joe was getting up to go to the bathroom when he saw flickering lights in the living room. Assuming Nate had fallen asleep watching TV, he thought nothing of it until he came out of the bathroom to see Nate was awake, curled into a ball and shaking. “Nate?” He asked softly, and the boy visibly jumped. 

“Joe! S-sorry did I wake you? I-I can turn off the TV…” 

“No you didn’t wake me, I was going to the bathroom. But that’s not the problem. Why are you awake? Its like 2am.”

“I-I had a nightmare.” Nate confessed, voice laced with shame. 

“That’s a natural thing. Do you want to talk about it?” 

Nate violently shook his head. 

“Okay. Well you still need sleep so how about this. Come back to bed with me, and I’ll protect you from the nightmares.” 

Managing a small smile, Nate nodded and turned off the TV, walking over to Joe, leaning on the older man as they got back to the bunk. Joe let Nate sleep on the inside and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close. Snuggled safely next to his boyfriend, Nate was asleep in seconds. 

The next day everyone woke up early except for Nate. After Joe explained what happened, they all made sure to keep quiet and let him sleep, although Pete looked worried. 

“He hasn’t had nightmares since he was little. Something must have triggered them.” 

“He has been though a lot, both positive and negative.” Andy pointed out. “It will take him more than a few weeks to adjust. And if he’s burying memories of what happened to him on the streets…” 

“He’s always had really bad anxiety, depression and weight issues. I tried to tell Dad, but of course he didn’t care. It makes me feel like shit though. I can’t do anything, and if I try I always fuck it up because of my own mental issues. I don’t want to put him on medication, but I feel like I’m running out of options!” 

“Hey, its okay. We helped you, we’ll help him.” Patrick assured Pete, hugging him. “Now that we know about this, tell us how you’ve helped him before, so we know what to do.” 

“Well his anxiety attacks can be triggered by anything, but its usually large crowds, thunder storms, people yelling…things like that. What I used to do is get him settled in a small dark place, as free of noise as you can. So like our bunks. Wrap him in a blanket, and keep him close, he likes feeling protected. A-and sometimes I sing…that always calms him down.” Pete blushed a little. “For his depression…mostly just keep assuring him that he’s important, and it helps to tell him the next day’s schedule…give him something to think about for the future, that makes it harder…for him to kill himself overnight. And watch where you leave sharp objects. He hasn’t cut in years but I don’t want to take that chance. As for his anorexia…I guess just make sure he eats and keeps it down. I think maybe smaller snack type meals more often to start out, and when we stop at the next town I’m picking up his favorite comfort foods so he can eat on the road without us having to pull over every time we think he should eat. If we don’t make a big deal out of it, and at least one of us eats with him he shouldn’t notice.” 

Everyone nodded when Pete finished, and Joe looked especially determined. 

“Let’s just go about our day, when Nate wakes up we’ll offer him some breakfast with us.” Patrick suggested, and with a nod the others drifted off to do their own thing. 

A few hours later, Nate woke up. Knowing they were spending the next two days on the road, he decided against getting dressed and simply grabbed clean underwear before going to shower. He turned the water on hot and relaxed, starting to sing a song he had been working on for a while. 

Joe heard someone singing and looked around, thinking it was Patrick. Knowing that he should be saving his voice, Joe went to go yell at him, only to find Patrick sitting in his bunk reading, totally quiet. “Were you just singing?” 

“No…and it’s not Pete or Andy…or clearly you…it must be Nate.” 

“He’s got an amazing voice.” 

“Yeah he does. I’d love to get him into recording.” 

“He’s always wanted to be a singer. He’s been writing his own songs since he was little. But he’s being held back by his anxiety, and his own self-doubts that he’s not good.” Pete spoke up from the living room. 

“Not good? I thought that was Patrick…he’s incredible!” Joe exclaimed. 

“I agree.” Andy added from the kitchen. 

“We should totally help him realize his talent and make him a star!” Patrick said. 

Just then the water shut off and after a bit the bathroom door opened and Nate walked out. “Morning guys.” 

“Morning. Hey Nate we were just about to eat breakfast, wanna join?” Joe said casually. 

“Yeah sure, let me just put my dirty clothes away.” 

Soon the five were sitting down to a breakfast of pancakes (vegan for Andy of course), syrup and whipped cream. Nate ate everything on his plate, easily distracted by the guys. After breakfast, as they were all sitting around, doing their own thing, Joe looked over to his boyfriend. “Hey Nate, has anyone ever told you you have an amazing singing voice?” 

“Yeah, but I don’t know how they can think that. I-I’m really not that good.” 

Joe stood up and walked over to Nate, putting his hands on his shoulders and looking him in the eyes. “Honey, when I first heard you, I thought you were Patrick. You have talent. When we get home to LA I want to take you to a recording studio. You’ll see how good you are once you hear yourself.” 

Nate blushed and looked down, rubbing his arm like he did when he was feeling awkward or upset. “Okay Joe.” He agreed softly. 

Joe nodded, looking satisfied, and sat back down, pulling Nate along with him so they could cuddle. “Only do it if you want to. I didn’t mean to make it sound like I was forcing you.” 

“I-I want to. You have me wondering if maybe I am better than I think.” 

Joe smiled and kissed Nate’s forehead. “I’ll help you build your confidence in yourself however I can. We all will.” 

Nate smiled and kissed Joe softly. “Thank you.” 

“Anytime. You want to continue our guitar lessons now?” 

“Sure.” He said and happily followed Joe back to the bunk area. 

Pete watched them go, sighing. “Joe’s taking better care of him then me.” He says, sounding sad. 

“Pete, Joe’s only trying to help. I know he doesn't want to take Nate from you.” Patrick assures. 

“But what if Nate decides he never wants to speak to me again! I’ve been such a horrible brother…” 

“Pete that’s your anxiety talking. You’re a great brother. You and Nate haven’t seen each other in a while. You both need time to readjust to the other. And besides that, Nate’s been thrown into a whole new world. He needs to adjust to that. And on top of all that, he’s found his first boyfriend. Naturally he’s going to gravitate towards Joe for now. But Joe can never replace you in Nate’s eyes. You raised the kid. He loves you no matter what.” Andy assured, his tone no-nonsense. 

Pete didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t say anything more as the bus drove on.


End file.
